When we came from the hospital after the birth of my son my husband changed his first diaper. Then for the first week he changed most of the diapers as I was busy struggling with breast feeding and other things. During the last eight months of our roller coaster ride of being parents we have shared the diaper duty. As and when whoever was not occupied changed it. I never thought about it much till our recent visit to a common friend’s place. The husband was very happily playing with his daughter till he smelled something fishy. Then he checked and called the wife to do the task. He laughed and said “I can handle a team of 50 people in office but this is just not my cup of tea. Diapers are strictly a mom’s job “. He left the room also to avoid watching apparently not a very pleasant sight. That made me really think is changing diapers strictly a women’s job? He is not alone. Most of the Indian men think like him. I read about a report on attitudes about diaper changing, disparity and dominance in six different countries. 86% of Indian men believed that changing diapers, giving kids a bath and feeding kids are the mothers’ responsibility as compared to only 10% men in Brazil. The survey was conducted in six developing nations- Brazil, Croatia, Chile, India, Mexico and Rwanda. The study ranked Indian men lowest when it comes to gender equity, along with Rwanda. But did we really need a survey to tell this? Indian men and often most of the woman still think that men are not capable of most of the parenting tasks like cleaning, feeding and bathing the baby.
Most of the elderly ladies in the family especially the mother in law( not mine) if confronted with the sight of a man doing any household chore or baby related stuff insist on doing themselves .Sometimes we as mothers also want to do everything on our own. Some of my mommy friends don’t want to involve their husbands in parenting as they think they are not capable of doing it in a right way. I think if you as a mother want to share parenting responsibility with your husband then let him do it his way. Women need to get over this idea that we are indispensable and that we know the best. From my personal experience I can tell you that men can be equally good at childcare duties and sometimes even better than mothers. My husband is an example of that. He is completely capable of handing tantrums, diaper leaks and eating disasters with ease. Sometimes when men do pitch in and take care of their own children they are treated as if they are doing something extraordinary. Recently my sister had to go on a work related outstation trip for a week and by brother in law looked after my nephew. He managed everything quiet well. Surprisingly everybody in family couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful he is and how lucky my sister was to have him. I did not know that he belonged to such a rare breed of men. It wouldn't not have been case if we would have reversed the roles.
In this way we continue to perpetuate the stereotype. Women nurture and men pay the bills. I agree that bearing a child and breastfeeding is biologically women’s work but everything else can be shared. It is heartening to see that slowly change is happening. Now we do have some rare stay-at- home dads also. Women too are paying the bills and men are looking after the children as well. Parents need to bring up their children to do both kinds of work, teaching them how to cook and earn a living for themselves. In today's time both genders should know how to cook because neither feminism nor sexism is going to help you when you are hungry. With both husbands and wives now working outside the house it does make sense for both parents to learn and play different roles. The more we encourage gentleness and caring in boys, the more nurturing and helpful they will be at home when they become parents. Dads’ doing their fair share at home supports moms’ empowerment. If men are free of stereotypes, then women can choose to be more career focused. If both parents choose to work outside home, then both can share the childcare duties without attaching gender label to these duties. I have seen men appreciating wife who can contribute financially to the household income then women will also surely appreciate a man who can change the diapers. By the way while I was busy writing this blog my husband had cleaned the poop of the baby and fed him also.
Should I consider myself lucky?
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