Recently my nephew has started his formal school and few days back he came and told his mom that his friends found his surname to be really cool as it is the longest in the class. Yes quite a big name for this little dude as he carries the surnames of both his parents. My sister kept her own last name after marriage and when they had to name their son both the parents thought that their son should share the identities of both of them.
These days women keeping their own name or hyphenating their last name upon marriage is so common that it’s barely worth mentioning, but their passing of these names onto their children does raises a few eyebrows.
In India motherhood is celebrated and everyone believes that God cannot be present everywhere so they made mothers. Quite recently we celebrated Mothers Day and it was great to see people from all walks of life were flooding the internet with so many messages and quotes about importance of mothers in their lives.
But when we name our children, the mother’s side of the family is all but forgotten. It is quite obvious the children are given the father’s surname. As Shakespeare had said “What’s there in the name”? so shall we not think too much about this. In India it is not just the name, rather it is more than that.
When we are born, one of the fundamental identities given to us is a name. In India most, cultures (except a few matrilineal societies in the North- East and down- South) are patrilineal so we inherit our fathers surname .May be this one of the major reasons why sons are preferred over daughters across all the religious, caste and class spectrum of our country .It is because of this very fundamental patrilineal norm that only the male child carries the ‘vansh’ forward. A female child, however is “ parya dhan” , she too, will take her father’s name on birth , only to lose it and be merged into her husband’s upon marriage. Her children will not be able to carry the lineage of the family forward.
I think in today’s scenario when inter- caste, inter-regional and inter religious marriages are on the rise and a women sometimes find themselves cast as single mothers raising children all by themselves this old age practice needs a little introspection from all of us.
India is not isolated in this as in most of the English speaking world whether Britain or USA taking the father’s surname is the common practice. In USA, only a few traditional families use the mother’s maiden name as the child’s middle name .That is how Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Americas 32nd president got his middle name. In Spain and Spanish speaking countries in America, children have two surnames- the first from the father and the second from the mother. Famous painter Pablo Ruiz Picasso used his maternal surname, Picasso, as his signature.
Yes slowly some change is happening in our society as some children are having the surnames of both the parents or a hyphenated one consisting of the last names of both mother and father .Some parents are even choosing not to have any surname for their child .Renowned film director Sanjay Leela Bhansali has adopted the middle name “ Leela” as a tribute to his mother. Change is a slow process and it takes time for everyone to accept something new. As certain other customs, traditions and practices are evolving and changing with passage of time so may be this age old practice will also see a change in near future. So this Mothers Day lets at least introspect and hope for a more egalitarian society where the lady who brought us into the world also gets her due.
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