‘13 Reasons Why’-Getting Teens Talk about Suicide or Giving Them Ideas

‘13 Reasons Why’ is currently one of the most talked about shows on Netfix. It’s been deemed the most tweeted show of 2017 and the most discussed show on Facebook. Based on the bestseller by author Jay Asher, the show follows the lives of Hannah (Katherine Langford) and Clay (Dylan Minnette) before and after Hannah’s suicide respectively. Hannah leaves behind a box of 13 audiotapes detailing the things she felt pushed her to the brink and naming the people involved.

It is one of the most watched series online especially by teenagers and school children. The series deal with some really serious issues faced by teenagers across the world- bullying, rape, cyber bullying and suicide. The show was made with the intention to create awareness about these issues. But after watching the show personally I found it to be really disturbing. As a mom and an educator, to me it appeared to romanticize self-harm by depicting graphic and violent scenes of a suicidal teen with seemingly no avenues for help.

·       The show paints the option of suicide in romantic colours and it starts appearing like a good option if your life isn’t going well. The show constantly tries to justify Hannah’s decision.

·       According to the show taking revenge is a good thing. To teach certain people a lesson Hannah kills hers self. The vulnerable audience, the teenagers watching it might actually start believing that suicide is a good way to take revenge if people around you are not nice with you. After you are gone, they have to live with that guilt throughout their life.

·       Some of the scenes are extremely graphic and raw. Like the way Hannah kills herself can appear like a perfect manual of how to kill yourself. The vividly graphic depiction of rape is also quite disturbing for the viewers to watch.

·       While it may be obvious to some of us that Hannah is dealing with depression but the show makes no mention of depression or mental illness. At one point, Hannah does go to a school counselor but it was of no help.   This kind of negative projection of counselors would further deter the teenagers watching the show from seeking help.

·       The aspect that really disturbs me is that there is no positive modeling in the show. While it is important to bring awareness to issues like suicide, self-destructive behaviors but it is more productive to show what we should do in a difficult circumstance. Teenagers watching the show are going to presume that life challenges are impossible to handle and when they appear to be overwhelming than suicide is the solution.  It would have been great that if they would have showed Hannah fighting and getting justice.

What should the parents do?

Unfortunately all the controversy and debate (including this post) are making this show even more popular. Some schools are sending letters and warning emails to the parents asking them to censor it from their children. But does banning children from watching the show going to solve the problem?  We know how the brain of adolescents works. Telling them not to do something guarantees they will.    Personally I know a lot of my cousins who have been glued to it. Some of them think that it mirrors an average teenager’s life and identify with the characters shown in the series.

According to the counselors the best solution is that parents need to watch the show themselves, with their teenage children. Instead of calling it a bad show, make children understand how challenges can be dealt if thing are not going right for them. At least the show has put the spotlight on issues that teenagers are facing- bullying and violence. Some of the parents are not even aware that these things actually happen. We think that teen suicide happens in other countries but not in our own.  According to Global Burden of Disease Study, 2013 suicide is the biggest cause of death among 15-24 year old in India, followed by road accidents. Yes, teen suicides happen in India also. Whatever said and done, but the show has opened space for a dialogue around mental health issues and suicide.  Parents watching the show along with the children can try to make them understand that people suffering from mental illnesses need professional help. And no matter what happens, parents are always there for their children.

Is Sarahah, the popular anonymous messaging app putting children at risk?

When you give people a mask, they will reveal their ugliest self-an old adage is proven right by this new app called Sarahah, the most downloaded free app on iOS store in the last two months. Sarahah was on top of Apple App Store in over 30 countries in the month of  July. According to a BBC report, this has over 300 million users already . and in our country 7.2 million people have signed up for its web service.

What is Sarahah app?

The apps description on Google Play Store reads that “Sarahah helps people self-develop by receiving constructive anonymous feedback”. Interestingly, Sarahah means ‘honesty’ in Arabic, though this honesty is delivered anonymously. The app is available in English as well as Arabic for iOS and Andriod  users.

 How does Sarahah app work?

The users can either sign up either on the website sarahah.com or download the app from the Apple or Android play store. Then they get a shareable link to their inbox that they can pass around to friends-people have been typically using it on Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat, where people can send you direct messages anonymously.

The sender knows the identity of the receiver, but the receiver will never know from whom the message came from.

 What is the purpose of Sarahah?

Sarahah was created by a developer from Saudi Arabia called ZainAlabdin Tawfiq as a way for people to share honest thoughts anonymously with their friends and contacts. Apparently the purpose of the app is to help users at work discover their areas of strength and those in need of improvement. Outside of the office, it is meant to give friends a place to communicate honestly with one another both their strengths and areas for improvement. 

Unlike traditional social networks, users cannot interact with one another directly. There is no reply mechanism, or indication of who a message is from.

Why Sarahah is a risky venture especially for teenagers?

As a parent I believe that the potential of misuse of the Sarahah app is enormous. Even if we trust the developers’ vision -- people sending you honest messages and perhaps constructive criticism, it’s still very risky and could be a weapon for cyber bullies especially for the vulnerable teenagers. Anonymity is an addictive drug that can be misused very badly. As humans we tend to have a very nasty and sadistic side to us which comes out at its worst when we have a mask of anonymity over our identities.

It is worth mentioning that though platforms like Google, Facebook and Twitter have worked hard over the years to have people provide their true identities but they are still grappling with the menace of trolling, hate messages and even life threats. Signing up with Sarahah could means that you are deliberately exposing yourself to these threats online. Currently the users have a mixed opinion of the use of app. Some of the comments by the users’ on Google Play Store describe it as ‘‘great concept and fun’’ while another one mentions that “My friend attempted suicide because of what people were saying to her over this.” Personally I am not sure whether the comment is true or not but definitely it alarming for any parent in the world.  

The app has all the makings of becoming a breeding ground of hate and enmity.Also it appears to be the perfect recipe for depression as  it will either make you feel very good about yourself or aggravate every insecurity and every uncertainty you have ever felt harbored which is very dangerous in the case of adolescents who are still developing their self identity. We know that children are spending more time on internet than ever before are surely the worst victims of cyber-bullying.

 What can parents do?

The advent of “smart” technology has made parenting for our generation more challenging than ever before. Let’s accept the fact that we cannot stop children from accessing the internet. So let’s educate our children about cyber ethics and safety.

As parents we need to keep an eye on the websites they surf, the content they are looking up on Google. Sometimes the things that   viewed as “fun,” “normal,” and “no big deal” can be potentially dangerous. Also there needs be rationing of the gadget time by keeping a watch on what children do and don't. Ideally we should ask the children to play with their hands and legs and not with their fingers.

These days children have become increasingly isolated from the families so parental supervision of the internet usage is very important especially in the case of younger children. 

 Regarding this app we need to talk to our kids and try to find out if they have downloaded the app or know of their peers using it. Also we need to encourage them to trust their own instinct about how their peers perceive them, without seeking anonymous feedback that is unlikely to be truthful.

As parents we need to take out time to understand social media and discuss it with our children. In addition to parental supervision, we need to equip them with everything they need to know to make wise decisions about the usage of social media when you aren’t around.

Parenting Myth- Good Parents Are Always On The Same Page……Strength Lies In Difference, Not In Similarities….

Aarush is going to be four months old now.  Being a new mother is the most rewarding and the most frustrating experience. You have just pushed another human being out of your body   and are   unprepared for all the things that come so quickly. I think having a baby make you grow up quickly.   

As a couple we have been married for almost three years now. Both of us have tried to “be on the same page “on most of the issues. But I guess its difficult agreeing on everything 24/ 7. We are two different individuals with diverse perspectives.  There are certain issues about baby on which our opinions are totally different. Luckily, both of us don’t differ on huge issues. I am not sure at four months what those huge issues would be…

Then something happened..I realized we are not the same page…

 Yesterday from the   kitchen, I could hear my baby whining while my husband was attending a phone call. The moments slowly ticked by while the whining escalated into a light wail. When I could not control myself I just rushed and picked up my whining little guy. I asked my husband “Why weren’t you picking him up “.  His response was that “Because he was absolutely fine”

And here’s where we differ…

Yes technically he was fine. My husband has not left our baby falling down from the bed but seriously there’s only so much whimpering a mom can tolerate.

In the last four months he has been an extremely good hands-on father. He has done it all…. from giving baby  a bath, to  changing diapers, singing lullabies,   attending to  him at night  and accompanying him to the pediatrician  for immunization

I think it’s perfectly fine not to be on the same page as long as both of us can regular discussion with each other.  Communication is the key here.  I would like to believe we are being on the same chapter, because being on the same page on every issue is not an easy thing.  I am sure everyone is going to agree with me that good parents need not be always on the same page.  

So here’s to our differences dear hubby..